We’re All Tigers. How Many Hours ‘Til Kickoff Again?
Nearly 48 hours later my urine is still the color of orange Gatorade. My stomach has been flipped upside down and turned inside-out. My brain is still trying to reconcile what in the world is in a hand grenade and why anyone would voluntarily order such a vile concoction for home use. It is Monday, and your editor has returned from New Orleans and Baton Rouge. “Intact” is a relative term.There are contless more unanswered questions from a weekend in the Pelican State centered around a good ‘ole fashioned SEC contest between the Tigers of LSU and the Tigers of Auburn…including the contents of a Hurricane (problem solved), the psychology behind what makes “copius amounts of alcohol” and “mechanical bull” so destined to be together…or why eating a hot dog wrapped in bacon seemed so right…and, while there may be uncertainty about these items, one thing is undoubtedly clear: if SEC football is a drug, sign me up for another hit.
So, what’s a Baton Rouge gameday like for a NYer who’s live college football experience has largely consisted of watching this NCAA football stalwart compete? Eye-opening? Shocking? Culturally awakening? I’m sure there are so many great adjectives to describe the SEC college football experience, but I’ll stick with the two that seem best suited to my Saturday in Baton Rouge. Drunk. Happy.
A recap from a day filled with revelry and topped off with a pretty damn good college football game. For context, the following events took place as part of the activities of a party of about 15 (wives and lady friends included) largely from the Northeast.*
Saturday, October 21
8:45 a.m. (New Orleans hotel lobby, morning following Fri afternoon arrival):
Hand grenade. Check. Hurricane. Check. Traditional shots. Check. Test tube shots. Check. A few too many beers. Check. General feeling of wanting to shoot yourself in the head? Check. OK, sounds like we’re about ready to go for some more. How old am I again?
Note: This is a question my girlfriend will pose multiple times during the day. Her second favorite question, posed to the other wives and gf’s of the group with older significant others? “When do they grow up?” Their collective answer: “Never.”
9:25 a.m.
On the road to Baton Rouge…we are already “running late.” Kickoff is in approximately 11 hours. Welcome to SEC tailgating. Welcome to Tiger Country.
10:55 a.m.
Albertson’s stop for various animal protein and other necessities not already acquired. Bean dip is considered one of the vitals. Beans are a bad choice (more on that later).
11:30 a.m.
Arrival on the campus of the LSU Tigers.
11:45 a.m.
Still circling for parking. Booze officially flowing again across the group.
11:45-12:55 p.m.
1:00 p.m. We have touch down. Grill set. Tarp up. Kiddie pool filled. Bloodies and beers imbibed en masse.
1:05 p.m.
We are positioned along a sidewalk along which most fans – LSU and Auburn – must pass. For our crew, this is a recipe for “interaction” and…well…more communal drinking. For others, it is a recipe for sheer annoyance.
1:15-1:45 p.m.Man walks by with funnel. We ask man to stop. Half-hour later the poor guy just wants his funnel back.
1:45-2:00 p.m.
We have two new things to yell. “Tiger Bait!” and “Geaux Tigers!” We choose to pronounce the second “gooks Tigers!” We believe this is hilarious and will find it funnier as the day/night progresses. Even more so because the loudest among us who are shouting it have thick NY accents. Others think we’re idiots. Luckily, we are both right.
2:00 p.m.Power hour implemented. It involves shotgunning a beer…followed by Jaeger bombs at nearby bar. Luckily, there are only six and a half more hours until gametime.
2:00-2:55 p.m. The first of our group falls off a lawn chair – unprovoked. Still five-plus hours ’til gametime. Ingestion of animal protein commences. My friend, who cannot name one player on the LSU roster, is now debating with a local whether Matt Flynn or Ryan Perilloux should be getting more snaps. I find this immensely amusing. A die-hard LSU fan thinking he’s having a real heated argument…instead, he’s engaged in mindless dribble with a casual college football fan from outside of Syracuse, NY who can’t name a player on the LSU roster…perfect.
3:00 p.m.
We’ve now adapted our chants of “Tiger Bait” slightly. It now goes like this: “Tiger Bait! Tiger Bait!” Auburn fans respond: “How ’bout Wildcat bait!” Our group fires back with something about South Florida…followed by “You guys wanna shotgun a beer?” The answer is always “yes.” Everyone’s a winner.
3:05-3:55 p.m.
Ingestion of animal protein continues…as does general alcohol consumption. Multiple trips to port-a-potty. These two are directly related.
4:00 p.m.
Power hour! We have another new rallying cry. It goes like this…”College!…No parents!” This is screamed at every undergrad who passes. Again, we think we’re the funniest people in the world. Others would disagree.
5:00 p.m.
These ladies walk by. We yell something. It is likely not polite. They ignore us. Four things are now very clear to any who pass.
1. We are not from around here
2. We are drunk
3. We are now WAY older than college girls (this is more of a self-realization)
4. We are borderline offensive
Somewhere between 5-6 p.m.
My girfriend mentions something about the greatness of Michelob Ultra and how she “isn’t getting full.” This should register as a mental note…it does not. Power hour.
Somewhere between 6-7 p.m. (maybe?)
We get up and move locations to a fine tailgate of friends of ours who are LSU alums. They have two flat-screen TVs and a goalpost set up for field goals…with a net behind it…this is not a joke. Our group is also coming to the realization, after spending about four hours in seats or walking a short distance, that we are collectively hammered. Power hour, sans Jaeger bombs (probably a good thing).
Approximately 7 p.m.
Bacon-wrapped hot dog consumed. It is full length. It is, one might say, draped in bacon. It is alsoadorned with cheese. It is good. Not getting a close-up photo of this messiah to meat was a major snafu on my part. Oh yeah, power hour.
Between 7-7:30 p.m.
There is brown liquor at our new tailgate. We find it. We consume it.
7:35 p.m.
Our hunt for tickets begins.
7:45 p.m.
7:50 p.m.
Several of us are in line to use the facilities directly outside the stadium. The line is long. We are not patient.
7:52 p.m.
We emerge from behind the port-a-potties. We laugh at those still standing on line. I think how proud my parents would be.
7:54 p.m.
We begin a long walk up to the 600-level. We have no alcohol left and none is served in the stadium. I lament not learning from the locals the best method for taping bourbon in a ziploc bag to my body. My regret grows stronger after not getting patted down upon entrance into Tiger Stadium. Missed opportunities.
7:56 p.m.
My girlfriend sees a young man and asks: “How old are you?” He replies: “17.” She asks: “Do you have any alcohol?” He replies: “No.”
7:57 p.m
My girlfirend sees an older gentleman and asks: “How old are you?” He replies: “Older than you honey. Nice boa.” [at this point, she was wearing the $5 purple and gold boa we'd purchased the night before. Nice]. She responds: “Got any alcohol?” He replies: “No.”
7:58-8:05 p.m.
See 7:56 and 7:57. Rinse and repeat. I’m not sure what happened to my girlfriend, but I’m digging the determination of whomever this new girl is sitting beside me.
8:15-11 p.m.
They played a game. It was good, particularly in the second half.
Other random observations.
1. Call it blasphemy, but Tiger Stadium was not as loud as I expected
2. The two-quarterback system does not work. I don’t quite understand why Flynn doesn’t get the ball on every series.
3. Even in my drunkest state “alligator sausage” does not sound like an appropriate stadium snack.
4. Brandon Cox has come a long way. He’s poised and has become the leader of a team whose offense doesn’t have the dominant running game it’s had in the past, nor the best of receiving corps.
5. The ending was ridiculous. In fact, I didn’t even truly appreciate it until I looked up at the scoreboard after the catch and saw :01. Couldn’t believe it. Wasn’t there just a minute on the clock like 2 second ago?? Apparently, the folks at ESPN had a similar delayed reaction.
Post-Game
- We return to our original tailgate location and have a few more beers.
- A lady from Atlanta heeds our call for complimentary condiments and soda and packs mustard, hot sauce, pickled okra and a few Sprites in her purse. She was taking them home…to Atlanta. The unintentional comedy level on this was incredibly high (just trust me).
- A two-hour drive to the hotel that is 20 minutes away from away from the stadium. Torture.
- Apparent food poisoning kicks in for a few of those brave (read: drunk) enough to hit up the bean dip post-game. Maybe that stuff’s not supposed to sit out in the sun for 8 hours before being consumed? Just my luck, my favorite Michelob Ultra lover is one of the afflicted.
Overall, though, a phenomenal baptism into the world of SEC football. Next year Oxford, Miss and Athens, GA are the early candidates. Thoughts from the readership?
Gooks Tigers!
* All names and faces have been changed or omitted to protect the innocent (until likely proven guilty…of I’m sure something).
Glad you had a good time.
IT is too bad you didnt try to get your tickets about a hour sooner. I think you missed out on the atmosphere of the stadium where you were seating. Usually you can get better tickets about a hour earlier
Portrayed extremely well. I will never eat bean dip again. And to try and get tickets earlier would have been a catastrophe…just imagine how many more people we would have asked if they had liquor straped to their body.
thanks for stopping by, y’all. seats are a good point. closer to the field and/or student section may have swayed my opinion of the in-stadium noise level and atmosphere. regardless, a very good time.
CS, sounds like a blast. What are the odds of me making it through a full year of N’awlins as a bright eyed 18 year old freshmen? I’m a survivor. You know, the hand grenade contains a substance they refer to as ‘grain alcohol?’ Also, if you go to a hole-in-the wall hurrican place, you can top your hurricane off with an extra shot of 151 for about $1.50.
I understand there were many significant others wandering around, but how were the uh, female fans in Baton Rogue?
–ES
you are a true warrior, es. tiger ladies were strong on both sides. my gfriend’s third favorite comment was: “do you have to stare at ALL of them?”
Apparently, i was not being as sneaky as i thought. the auburn girls had a strong showing on the road.
Here are some additional observations from the trip.
1) I never seen as many RVs and pick up trucks in my life (most of the pick ups where painted purple and gold and had smoking girls in them)
2) There was probably 4 times as many people tailgaiting than actually went into the game. The stadium holds 92,400.
3)Everybody tailgaites (men, women, children, grandparents, great grandparents)
4)Most of the Auburn players have gold teeth, i know this because we ran into the team trying to find that stupid missle.
5)Puss and boots is a very nice compliment
6)People down south are way nicer than people up north.
7)There are some beautiful people at LSU and i think I saw all of them.
8)Who would have thought purple and gold would go so well together (especially with matching dresses)
9)If a guy tells you that you look like Tom Brady is that a compliment?
10)What is a war eagle?
11)Hey Aurbun fans, USF, Miss St, LSU.
1) flag down…….unnecesary gansta!! to the little guy with his pants around his ankles walking with the two girls..
2)flag down….unnecessary hottness to one of the girls otherwise known as puss n boots
3) flag down…people in louisiana dont know how to play beer pong nearly as good as the yankees..hence the reason why each game took a half hour..