Wizards Amend Stevenson’s Contract with "Moron Clauses"
By Cecilio's Scribe on Oct 18, 2007 with Comments 3
Get me Lohan’s number!WASHINGTON, October, 18 2007 — Following a successful 2006-07 debut season in Washington, Wizards guard Deshawn Stevenson has managed to grab even more headlines during this off-season — none of them particularly flattering for the organization. The cumulative impact of Stevenson’s off-the-court mishaps has finally led to consequences.
In a press conference earlier this morning from the Verizon Center, team president Ernie Grunfeld announced the team was taking steps to “more proactively manage Deshawn’s behavior…” to avoid “further embarrassment to the organization, the League and the fans.”
When asked to elaborate on specific actions, Grunfeld referenced amendments made to Stevenson’s existing contract with the team. Grunfeld went on to explain that he had met with members of the Wizards front office, Stevenson and his agent Mark Bartelstein on Wednesday to formally construct the “moron clauses.” According to Grunfeld, the moron clauses are aimed at mitigating Stevenson’s apparent inability to adequately apply common sense or existing brainpower to his actions or external communications.
The Wizards president went on to say that the moron clause makes a point to ” specifically outline prohibited behaviors. “
Excerpts from the amendment obtained via the Freedom of Information Act:
The following is stated in the clearest language possible in order to strongly communicate messages to Deshaun. Failure to comply with these stipulations will result in his dismissal from the Washington Wizards.
a. Refrain from posting your credit card number on any public Web sites, particularly MySpace, Facebook or other social networks
b. No hookers
b1. Related to item b, no pimps
b2. Related to item b and b1, no guns, bullets, shooting and or other things related to gunfire and firearms
d. No more high-profile relationships that you go out of your way to bring more prominently into the public eye
e. No more solicitation of high-profile women via your public or private MySpace page (white, black, yellow, in rehab or otherwise)
f. Related to items a, d, e and , potentially, b-b2 and c, NO COMPUTER. Effective game one of the NBA season the Washington Wizards request that DeShawn Stevenson hand over all Internet-connected devices. These devices shall be returned upon the completion of the season, granted Mr. Stevenson has complied with items a-e.
Filed Under: NBA
greatest contract clauses ever
i can’t tell…these are a joke right?
I didn’t think the FOIA applied to private contractual guarantees…only gov’t actions
Yes, the miles. this post is somewhat in jest. although, it’s not a bad idea. and, yes, you are correct re: FOIA.
thanks for stopping by and come back again, ya hear.