Fight Club: Pro-Athlete Edition
By Erie's Scribe on Jan 17, 2008 with Comments 9
At The Legend, we love to debate who could kick who’s ass in the world of sports. I have an ongoing argument with Cecilio’s Scribe that has me siding with Ray Lewis and him siding with pre-broken leg Alvin Mack, the ESU middle linebacker in The Program.
Here are a few fights we’d like to see. Please let us know of any others you’ve debated. We picture these fights going down in an empty bar. The two athletes have just sat down for a couple of cold ones, and one informs the other that he has slept with the other’s wife, sister, mother or all three. And just so the anger factor is even, it turns out that the other athlete has done the exact same thing.
Frank “The Big Hurt” Thomas vs. David “Big Poppy” Ortiz:
The tale of the tape has The Big Hurt owning both the height and weight advantage (6′-5,” 275 vs. 6′-4,” 230). Big Poppy is listed at 230 lbs.? If Poppy is 230, then The Fridge barely tops three bills. The only chance Big Poppy has in this fight is for a quick, devastating attack on The Big Hurt. The longer this one goes, the more The Big Hurt’s vastly superior conditioning plays a role.
Shawn Bradley vs. Manute Bol:
7′-6″ Bradley versus 7′-7″ Bol, this could get awkward. Despite having seen Bradley get punched more than any NBA player ever, I’ll take him over Manute. I think Bradley’s a little thicker, and Bol looked so sluggish in Celebrity Boxing that I can’t predict him to beat anybody.
Roger Clemens vs. Barry Bonds:
Roid rage alert, roid rage alert!! Now this would be entertaining. Two huge, angry dudes throwing down. It’s tough to call, but I’m giving a slight edge to Clemens because of Barry’s chronic knee problem. You know that Clemens would go straight after that knee.
Ron Artest vs. Dennis Rodman:
Obviously you got this sorts of crazy, and you’ve got a fight. I’m taking Artest in this one, because I think he can out crazy The Worm. I might be underestimating the skills Rodman learned during his time as a pro-wrestler.
David Eckstein vs. Jose Reyes:
Tough choice for me here. Reyes has height, weight and athleticism over Eckstein, but Eckstein has scrappiness. I usually never go against scrappiness, but I think Reyes works Eckstein over pretty good.
Wayne Gretzky vs. Tony Hawk:
Both elevated their respective sports/X-sports, living legends. Both hockey and skateboarding are tough on the body, no place for those afraid of pain. Both guys have the same build and kind of even look the same. I predict neither man walks out of the fight under his own power, but Gretzky gets the W.
Shaq vs. Lennox Lewis:
Heavyweight showdown here. I see Lewis pulling out his boxing crap, but the Diesel just tearing through him. Then, as Shaq stands over Lewis, he mocks Lewis’s English accent and condescending attitude. There is justice, and Shaq doles it out.
Who else do you want to see beating the tar out of each other?
Filed Under: Uncategorized
reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from one of the guys on WFAN in NY when i was growing up…
it was something along the lines of “i’d pay to see “Manute Bol and Dikembe Mutombo spearchucking in a river…”
amazingly, that was perfectly acceptable to say back then. i think i’d have to go with “who wants to sex mutombo” in that matchup.
btw, this is a reality show i’d actually watch.
i would pay to see a round-robin tournament with the top 10 female newcomers from the December 27 post duke it out.
I would pay lots of money to see that.
Rodman v Ron Artest, NOW that is Entertainment GOLD! Lennox would bitch slap Shaq.
Maybe Lewis bitch slaps Shaq, but does he have a chance against Kazaam?
I don’t know what would be more entertaining, Rodman vs. Artest in a fight or Rodman vs. Artest in a quiz bowl.
I’ve always wanted to see what would happen if Larry Bird fought Kevin McHale. I’m not sure who would win
nice, kind of like celebrity death match