Attack of the Gingers: Athletes Afflicted with Gingervitis

By Cecilio's Scribe on Apr 04, 2008 with Comments 20

Rise up and Follow Me Ginger People

They are a rare breed. Those of the “red hair, light skin and freckles.” We are, of course, referring to Gingers. In recent years, this affliction has more commonly become known as Gingervitis. For those less familiar with the condition, one of the leading authorities in the field, Colorado professor Eric Cartman, provides a quick refresher:

And while instances of this disease are extremely uncommon, one particular strand is even more obscure: the chromosome that produces a now endangered species that is bordering on extinction. Yes, we speak of the Ginger Athlete.

One has to search far and wide to uncover photographic evidence of the Ginger Athlete. Like so many who fall prey to the disease, many Ginger Athletes seek to cover up their inherent gingerness so as to somehow shield themselves from the likely taunts and ridicule they face each day.

Despite the challenge, our research team tirelessly searched our extensive archives (namely, our brains) to reveal some of our favorite Ginger Athletes and sports figures.

The Seven-Foot Ginger, Robert Swift

You may not have ever heard of Robert Swift, but once you’ve seen him on the court you surely can’t forget. His ginger is strong. Quite strong.

The Hippie Ginger, Bill Walton

“I loved the ginger! The flowing locks…it was un-be-lievable…the color…it was beau-ti-ful…” Can’t we just all love one another regardless of hair color? It’s like we’re all one people, man.

The Redneck Ginger

His famous father? Those memorable Wrangler Jeans ads? His new Hendrick Motorsports deal? None of it compares to the biggest story around Dale, Jr. His status as perhaps the greatest ginger NASCAR driver of all-time.

Coach Ginger, Pete Gillen

With a career 274-128 record, Pete Gillen was a pretty damn good college coach who was last seen at Virginia in 2005. Since then, the diminutive ginger-man has been one of the few red-haired presences in sports broadcasting, doing color for CSTV and generally bemoaning how he ended up where he did.” Listen, Pete. No one in this congregation cares to hear about how depressing your life is.“

Juiced Ginger, Mark McGwire

He was the shining beacon for gingers around the globe…selfish bastard.

The Chosen Ginger, Jason Garrett

Without a doubt, Jerry Jones’s favorite ginger and heir to the Cowboys throne.

The Scary Irish Wrast-ler Ginger, Seamus O’Shaunessy

Because…well, because when are we going to have another opportunity to include a red-headed Irish wrestler in a post here at The Legend. That’s right, probably never.

The X-treme Ginger, Shaun White

White’s ‘do is like a 10 X-TREME!

The Hall of Fame Ginger? Bert Blyleven

The nasty curveballer is currently the only 3,000 career strikeout pitcher not in the Hall. We honestly don’t know all the ins-and-outs of Blyleven’s candidacy, but it seems a player who made multiple All-Star games and was consistently one of the elite pitchers in the League and came close to the 300-win mark (287) at least deserves some serious consideration. Plus, he’s ginger. How many gingers are in Cooperstown? When does the discrimination stop?

L’Grand Gingere, Rusty Staub

OK, so maybe he was more commonly known as l’grand orange. Regardless, Rusty was without a doubt my favorite chunky, out-of-shape, red-headed, pinch-hitting Mets player in the early 80s.

There are many other noteworthy gingers including Jim Courier, Boris Becker, Matt Bonner and ex-Ga Tech Yellow Jacket Luke Shensher to name only a few. We must honor these individuals. Because, despite the opinions of Professor Cartman, it’s simply blatant ginger-ism to believe “ginger athletes have no souls” or “make us feel sick to our stomachs.” And they certainly don’t “creep us out,” except for maybe Seamus…

Editor’s Note: While this post took decades of research to compile, it could not have been accomplished without the help of Dirty Gingers and Red and Proud to whom we are forever indebted.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Tags: Bert Blyleven • Dale Earnhardt Jr. • Ginger Athletes • Jason Garrett • Mark McGwire • Pete Gillen • Robert Swift • Rusty Staub • Seamus O'Shaunessy • Shaun White • South Park

About the Author: Cecilio's Scribe is the founder of The Legend of Cecilio Guante and a generally pessimistic fan of the Mets, Jets, Knicks and Rangers. A fine NYC-based gentlemen who hones his marketing skills as his primary trade by day. Husband, chef, father of a newborn and after-hours blogger by night. Proud alum of the mighty Big Red of Cornell. University. Hot sauce devotee. Staunch protester of the continued wussifcation of American sports. Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick.

Attack of the Gingers: Athletes Afflicted with Gingervitis

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