Michael Phelps Does Bull Hurley Impersonation at Open. FAIL.

By on Sep 08, 2009 with Comments 1

So…Much…Wrong

I’m still getting my bearings, to be honest. I’ve been flipping around between Mets and Yanks, but mostly spending time taking in Nadal and Monfils, who is just all sorts of a sick athlete. But that’s besides the point. There have been some mind-blowing, mouth-opening shots in the match so far, but nothing compares to the image above.

Phelps ridiculous facial “craftsmanship” stopped me in my tracks. What exactly is that thing? Not a real handlebar mustache…not a goatee…is it some sort of a poorly kept overly-thick Fu Manchu? According to the authorities at the American Mustache Institute (AMI), it appears Phelps’s concoction most closely resembles the handlebar style. Still, not that I’m an expert on the ‘stache, but it looks horrendous right?

And then there’s the sideways black painter-style hat. What is that exactly? Are you hardcore? Is that dorky white swimmer-boy gangsta style? Really, this guy has slowly metamorphosized from a shy and awkward dude who was annoying but really good at swimming and generally harmless…to a punk-ass who I’m rooting for to fall on his face. Does he have a lipper in, too? I used to enjoy one from time-to-time too but not you might want to hold off during a national TV interview. Just a thought.

Ugh. Now, Bull Hurley. That my friend’s was a man ‘stache.

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About the Author: Cecilio's Scribe is the founder of The Legend of Cecilio Guante and a generally pessimistic fan of the Mets, Jets, Knicks and Rangers. A fine NYC-based gentlemen who hones his marketing skills as his primary trade by day. Husband, chef, father of a newborn and after-hours blogger by night. Proud alum of the mighty Big Red of Cornell. University. Hot sauce devotee. Staunch protester of the continued wussifcation of American sports. Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick.

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  1. Dr. Abraham Jonas Froman says:
    September 9, 2009 at 7:43 am

    I think we should take a step back to the Book of Job where it's written "there is no such thing as a 'bad' mustache."

    Indeed, is there such a thing?

    Maybe instead, Phelps should be considered for the American Mustache Institute's "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year."

    Who's to say, but you can nominate people here: http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/MustacheAmericanOfYear.aspx

    Reply

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