My Yankees Nightmares are Back: I Can’t Stand This Sh*!

My mother told me never to use the word “hate.” Not for people, not for chores, not for events, not for nothing. She gives me a pass on this one thing — because she f-in hates the Yankees, too.

Honestly, I’m absolutely beside myself. I don’t know why though when you really think about. It’s not surprising. In fact, as my fellow YH buddy texted me in the 10th, we both knew how this one was to end. It was pre-determined. Evil destiny. There was no doubt. Except among Yankees fans.

And that’s one of the things that always pissed me off. In those years, when they’re clearly better than everyone, the chemistry is there, the calls are going their way, it’s mind-numbingly obvious to anyone with two eyes how things are going to play out. Yet Yankees fans always seem genuinely surprised – at the “improbable” stuff that just happens to occur again and again with them.

My wife and I walked by a bar heading home late this evening and saw it was 3-3 in the bottom of the ninth. She actually walked in. I stayed outside. I couldn’t take it — already. She came out and wanted to rush home — to see the end, you know? I, of course, had no such desire. My dear sweet partner in crime called me un-American. She said I had no right to call myself a New Yorker.

She had the audacity to claim the Yanks were America’s team. She’s right. And, we all know so very wrong too. The Yanks are Wall Street and the Twinkies are Main St. The Yanks are hedge fund managers, and the Twins are blue collar. In my America, Minnesota should walk off with the improbable Cinderella story endings. But that’s not hoa it goes, and it makes me ill.

I won’t go through the torture of those last two extra frames. I can’t imagine if I’d actually watched the bottom of the ninth live. Suffice to say, it all is happening again. Team’s best closers are imploding. Runners are blundering themselves out of runs. Umps are making abominable calls. Offenses are squandering bases loaded no outs situations. I’ve seen this movie before, and I can tell you now I hate the ending.

Someone just wake me up when it’s over.