Can the Mets Get a New Stove, Please?

We Mets fans are a generally miserable lot. We bitch incessantly. We think we’re smarter than everyone else, in particular our GM (no matter who he may be). We always want more, because, well, we think we deserve more for our immeasurable suffering. So, the hysterics of Mets fans already this off season may seem a bit overblown. They probably are, but that’s what we do.

It’s in this context, that I’d like to ask for a new stove. Ours is clearly broken. I want a return and a full refund. The Mets stove is not hot. It’s not even tepid. I’ve had stadium pretzels warmer than the Mets offseason to date (which is a whole ‘nother topic by the way…how hard is it to serve a hot pretzel that’s actually hot? the pretzels at stadiums these days are awful…they should learn something from those guys outside the meadowlands with the charcoal and the grocery carts…anyway). Sure, there are talks of Jason Bay, and we wouldn’t be mad at that. Yet, I’ve got no faith.

Instead, our stove has kicked into gear most noticeably on Bengie Molina and Ryota Iragashi. Bengie Molina and Ryota Iragashi!! C’mon, Omar, at least pretend. What’s more is that Molina, who I once tabbed as possibly the worst cleanup hitter in history, wants a three-year deal. You don’t give fat, average catchers three-year deals. You certainly don’t give fat, average 35 year-old catchers those type of deals. Molina is a perfectly serviceable catcher — for a year with a semi-platoon with Santos. It would be ludicrous to invest in any longer a contract. But this is the same team that gave a four-year, $25M deal to a 32-year old second basement who knees were falling apart and couldn’t stay healthy period. That worked out well.

Who knows? Maybe Omar shrewdly worked the winter meetings and is avoiding any hasty moves that are a result of feelings of pressure from a psycho fan base. Maybe Iragashi is the real deal, Molina will come for a year and Bay will be our man in left. Or, just maybe, our stove is busted, and it’s time for a completely new model. The wheels on the bus go round and round…

Your Obligatory Iragashi Preview