The Legend of Cecilio Guante
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Cruelest Father’s Day gift ever?

Isn't the refrain "happy" father's day?

Today was my second official Father’s Day. I received some lovely sentiments praising my supreme daddy-ing skills. Heartfelt cards. A splendid bottle of wine. Then, there was my sister. I love her dearly. We’re tight. Always have been. She’s also smart and funny. I mention all this as a premise to the “gift” I received from her in the mail.

Isn't the refrain "happy" father's day?

Isn’t the refrain “happy” father’s day?

I’ve got to give her credit. It was both thoughtful and sickly sadistic. I can envision her giggling as she made the purchase. Sure, it’s a sweet idea on its face. Hey, daddy loves sports and can’t wait to take his little girl to the ballpark. He bleeds blue-and-orange. What a cute thought.

Bullsh*t.

At least in part. And she knows it.

My sister is a sports gal. She grew up with me living and dying with the Metros and spending more than a few hours herself backing the Flushing crew hersel. And, now, as she brings up her own kids outside D.C. as Nats loyalists, Daddy’s Heroes is at once a cute little daddy’s day gift and subtle (or not-so subtle) jab. Here’s a fun one, big bro. You can read it to Ellie…you know, just in case the Mets never make the World Series again in your lifetime. It’s like the ultimate history lesson! Hahaha.

The sad thing is…it’s true. It says Daddy’s Heroes is about “unforgettable sports moments to share with children.” Well, I guess. I’ll relive that magical 1986 run. I’ll teach my little girl about Gary and HoJo and Mookie. Messy Jessy, Nails and Wally. It will be grand.

The back cover notes that the goal of the Heroes series is to “foster stronger bonds between sports fans and their children.” It goes on to theorize that “retelling these unforgettable, historical sports moments will not only build these bonds, but also help parents introduce their favorite sports to their children.” It concludes: “We think you’ll agree.”

Well, let me say this Daddy’s Heroes. I’m not sure I f-in agree. Retelling this story may build bonds. It may also bring current reality starkly into light again and again. It may also make daddy sad…which in turn may make daughter sad. Anger might be another consequential emotion. Let’s just hope it does its job on the bonding front. What would also help in said bonding process is if the Mets maybe, I don’t know, win another one before my little girl has children of her own. If not, maybe grandpa will save this edition and continue the tradition.

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