Let’s get stupid!
- Updated: June 13, 2012
Listen, I’m no Alex Einstein over here, but I have noticed stupidity taken to new heights this week. It annoys me. It should be bought to the attention of the millions…..and millions of The Legend’s fans. If you watch a ton of sports, like we do here, you are surrounded with more stupidity than non-stupidity. There is so much of it, we’re all generally numb to it. So what could lead your mild-mannered blogger to a point where I feel the need to call out these egg heads? It must be something pervasive and inescapable, something that highlights a long, never-ending pattern of stupidity. I remember now, it is the morons at ESPN. That’s gotta be it. Let’s just get stupid and see if it makes us feels better. We’ll just number the incidents of stupidity, but not in a most to least stupid fashion. Just random numbering. It seems stupider that way.
1) ESPN — So what did the Worldwide Leader in stupidity do to push me over the edge? Last night they ran a Top Moments (Top 10 moments?) in Game 1’s of the NBA Finals segment on Sportscenter. Really? Top 10 Moments in Game 1’s in NBA Finals History? What’s next? Top 10 Moments By Left Handed Athletes With Under 5 Minutes Left On The Clock In Odd Numbered Year Playoff Games On The Road? This beaut of a highlight package comes off the heels of ESPN calling last Saturday, “Showdown Saturday.” Because, you know, they don’t annoy us enough by naming every fudging weekend during the college football weekend. Hell, everyone knows that a sports weekend ain’t crap unless it has a stupid nickname.
2) Jeff Van Gundy — Van Gundy says that everyone needs to stop hating on LeBron because “there is a statute of limitations on stupidity” (there isn’t, btw). I get his point, even if he articulated it, uh, stupidly. He’s saying that LBJ is such a transcendent talent, one who does things that no NBA player has ever done (and maybe never will), that we should just appreciate the on-the-court spectacle. I understand that thought, and I used to agree with it when LBJ haters like Skip Bayless and would dis LBJ’s game. That was, of course, before LBJ took a huge dump on the City of Cleveland on national TV. Anyway, Van Gundy’s stupidity doesn’t lie with the sentiment, it lies with his use of the word “stupidity.” That is what he chose to describe the Decision, the Introduction, and all of the other LBJ shenanigans (like quitting on the Cavs in the middle of the Eastern Conference Semifinals against Boston). It isn’t stupidity, Jeff. It is arrogance, self-centeredness, tunnel vision, and a desire to do things the easy way. Was there some stupidity mixed in there? Sure, but that ain’t why people hate on LBJ. Don’t sweat it Jeff. Whatever happens, when all the haters wake up tomorrow they’ll have to go back to their shitty lives, while you, me, and LBJ will be sipping boat drinks in South Beach.
3) Team LeBron — No, not the Heat. LeBron’s P.R. and marketing geniuses. While I do admire their resume, The Decision, the Introduction, ect., could they be wiffing on any bigger of a softball right now? Mike Breen and Jeff Van Gundy and many other media types are begging for the public to get over past LBJ debacles and stop hating on him. Isn’t this a PERFECT time to capitalize? The media is ready for it. What else do you need? How about an interview where he says he regrets how he handled things in the past, and then continues on that while he has fame and riches beyond his wildest dreams, the disgust and hatred directed towards him has really affected him as a person and made him reflect on life. Made him reflect on how his actions affect others. Made him think about how he can use the trappings of his hard work and dedication to really improve humanity. Then you would emphasize all of his charity work, and then his new committment to his woman. And then wrap it up with something creative and awesome. How are you not doing this? LBJ, I am available for hire. I won’t post my entire resume online, but hear you me, it is impressive.
4) Steve Bernier — The New Jersey Devils right winger who was ejected and got a five minute major for putting a Kings’ opponent face first into the boards. I’m sure this guy has been piled on enough by now, but…..it was Game 6 of the Stanely Cup Finals! Are you F***ing shitting me? For those of you who don’t know, the Kings scored 3 goals during the five minute powerplay they had after Bernier’s penalty. And as a hockey player, let me tell you, there is never a reason to hit a dude from behind a put his face in the boards. He isn’t going to score from the boards. And if you are all pissed off at him, you might remember that hockey is unique in the sense that it provides a multitude of ways of getting back at another player (while still physically kicking his ass) that don’t include cheapshots from behind.
5) Racist European Soccer Fans — It has been reported that fans (mainly in the Ukraine?) have shouted racist chants at Dutch players in training, a Czech player, and Italian striker Mario Balotelli at Euro2012. Families of black English players decided not to make the journey to watch the competition for fear of the racist bastards. Racist chants? Really? Do you know how backwards and ignorant that makes you? Do you have any semblance of intelligence? Do you care? Did you make it past 2nd grade in school? If I had my druthers, you ignorant pud-wackers would be sentenced to eat shit once a day for the rest of your lives. Thank you and good day.