So it is, the Mets again distributed their increasingly “regular” end-of-season sorry-to-kick-you-in-the-nuts-again email to fans. Or more specifically, they shared the touching correspondence with the complete sucker fans who subscribe to the “Flushing Flash” newsletter for Mets masochists.
Here is this year’s thank-you-for-giving-us-your-money missive, along with some translation (in italics) for the less acculturated.
“Thank you for your support during another extremely disappointing season.
We can’t thank you poor bastards who continued to dole out insane amounts of your hard-earned money to watch this putrid squad enough. Remarkably, for the most part, you keep coming to the park and dumping dollars despite no signs of competent personnel management, team heart or overall quality of product.
Like you, all of us at the Mets had high expectations for 2010 and we did not come close to meeting them.
Even we thought that $134M was enough to get us at least to .500. Plus, who could’ve guessed Kelvim Escobar wouldn’t be huge for us? Whoops.
Since reaching the National League Championship Series in 2006, we have underperformed.
Remember when Beltran looked at strike three to end that one? That stunk, huh? Maybe we should have picked up on something about that guy then. Double whoops.
The failure is unacceptable and we share your anguish.
Luckily, we at least have a lot of your money. Without that, this would be SO much more embarrassing.
As Ownership, we are ultimately responsible and have determined that changes are necessary to produce a winning team for the long term.
And, since we can’t remove our own completely-clueless selves, we’re going to go try to guess who might be able to help turn this thing around. Apparently, Luis Castillo and Ollie Perez weren’t good signings. Whudda thunk it?
Earlier this morning, we relieved Omar Minaya of his duties as Executive Vice President of Baseball Operations & General Manager, and advised Jerry Manuel that we are declining to exercise the club’s option on his contract as Manager for 2011.
Jerry responded by saying he liked how the guys were starting to look at the plate and thought things would turn around soon.
We appreciate all that Omar and Jerry have done for the Organization and thank them for their time and effort.
See, we spelled Organization with a capital “O.” Doesn’t that tell you how much we care about this ORGANIZATION??!!
Changes like these are never easy, especially when dealing with people you like and respect.
Plus, we hate trying to make any baseball decisions. They’re SO. FREAKIN. HARD.
We feel a fresh perspective in the leadership of our baseball department will elevate the performance of our club.
As such, we’re also thinking of moving our baseball department to level four, as we think it will be more frequently trafficked if nestled between the men’s department and lingerie.
That person will work with Ownership to hire a new Manager and will be responsible for creating a winning culture.
If anyone has any thoughts as to who “that person” should be, please let us know as we don’t really have a strong “game plan” at this point.
We have a lot of work to do to regain your confidence and support.
Aside from the Kiss Cam and the Pepsi Party Patrol, what else can we do to re-energize you?
Thank you for the opportunity to do so.”
We promise you that, as owners of this proud franchise, we will continue to spend among the most money in baseball and crank out a championship at least every three decades.
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About the Author: Cecilio's Scribe is the founder of The Legend of Cecilio Guante and a generally pessimistic fan of the Mets, Jets, Knicks and Rangers. A fine NYC-based gentlemen who hones his marketing skills as his primary trade by day. Husband, chef, father of a newborn and after-hours blogger by night. Proud alum of the mighty Big Red of Cornell. University. Hot sauce devotee. Staunch protester of the continued wussifcation of American sports. Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick.